Normal People Worry Me

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I wonder how many people are not where they expected they would be in life? I am not where I thought I would be at this point in life. Sometimes I wonder if I’m also not “who” I thought I would be or wanted to become. I think some of my choices weren’t the best ones, but looking back I can’t honestly say what I would do differently for some things. After all, hindsight IS 20/20.

Should I have majored in something different in college?  Could I have tried harder? I often think I could have tried harder a lot of times in life, not to say I was not trying. But was I trying as hard as I was able to try, given my circumstances? Would things even be much different? Or would I have taken a different path to the land of the lost?

I find myself more and more confused. I thought one day, a light bulb would just go off or something would just click. Actually, I’ve had a number of those “a ha” moments in life. Where I thought for sure I had found my course in life. Each time I have been equally convinced this was the best path for me.

No matter what I have chosen, or not chosen in life, sometimes I feel like the biggest hindrance is myself. Then again, I am defining this by others’ definition of what is normal and what so many people tell me I “should do” or not do, things that I just “have to do” this way. Follow the norm, stick to the mold, do what you hate, because almost everyone else does things they hate.

I have known for a very long time that I was “different” or not “normal” and I have kind of joked about that. I consider it mostly a positive thing that I am just “different” and abnormal. In high school, I adopted a bumper sticker that read “Normal People Worry Me”. And I really stuck to that mantra. I think that belief was furthered when I began studying psychology in college. It affirmed my belief that there really is no such thing as “normal” in this world.

Even psychologists don’t really “know” a lot of things. Every single human being is their own unique variable. In a way, it is the most unscientific of sciences, because so many things simply cannot be proven. That’s why there are dozens of different theories or methods in psychology. The idea of normal is entirely relative to many different cultural and religious beliefs, and does vary for each individual person.

A lot of the time, I am glad to be this different person I am, this aberration of what I “should be doing” in life. But every now and then, I wonder what it would be like if I just fit in with everything the way I was “supposed to” in life? I highly doubt it, because the thought of those things makes me very uncomfortable.  It is harder to find friends from time to not just agree with me,  but even if they disagree, to respect that it’s what I want. Instead, what I want upsets them somehow. its like because I don’t want what most people want, it turns their world upside down to know that people out there are actually truly like that.  They’ll try to tell you that you don’t know what you actually want. Or when you change your mind, it’ll be too late. What if when *they change their mind* and realize what *they did* isn’t what life’s all about..it’s too late and they are on their deathbed.??

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